if I have feelings -- they are my responsibility. You do not give me feelings. I sometimes feel feelings that are from another's vibration, but that vibration is ringing within me and not your fault nor favor. What I like does not have matter.
What I like is a concept based on reactions I am comfortable with. I am interested in solutions. I am interested in building things that have weight and matter. I pray that because I am writing these words that they are sent out as prayers unto infinity. I pray to only have a harmonious balance on my fellow folk. If I cause chaos, do not blame me nor the chaos. Your blame, your actions. My blame, My actions. Our feelings, Our actions are all within us as vibrations, chemicals, rhythms, reactions,,, It is within me to find these feelings and allow them to be without shedding them on others or getting mine confused with yours. I am using as many pronouns as we can to demonstrate their perspectives as not being simple I. I am that I am. i AM THAT i AM. OHM NA MA shiva YA! ohmnamaSHIVAya! MigwhichMigwitch, AH'HO, MatalkweeeAaawZen. Migwhichmigwitch, i love you so much, grandmother grandfather, I love you so much.
When I say something and share something, the subject is dropped after I am done talking about it. In a discussion I am constantly looking how to say, "Yes&." I rarely hear that back. I have a heart filled with hurt and anger, but that is my hurt, my anger, based on lifelong reactions that seem to permeate my family in infinite directions. It is my karma to change that so this can change in my generation. It is within me to change. I am working on that steadily.
All my relations are difficult to hear, and have difficulty hearing me. All my relations when I talk to them I must communicate in a way they can understand, unique to them, in a way trying to please them. The conversations go okay until I:
A) respond to an emotion equally - which proves to produce an escalating emotional reaction, or
B) Speak my truth. Which seems to illicit anger, fear, spite, and sometimes laughter of all sorts.
I often try and sugar coat it, but somehow, I am being affected by other folks feelings as other folks are being affected by mine. I can pray all I want, but until I take action and speak the truth I am going to keep repeating this karmic circle.
Dear Roommates: I am highly allergic to mold. If I have any issues with the sanitary nature of my living environment, I need to step up and find solutions. If I present a solution can it at least be held for a while in your mind or heart or guts, or wherever so that you can see it clearly and not listen to your dislikes or fears.
I need to shower and let go. aho matakwiausome
I assume that everyone does what they do out of compassion and kindness, as they are able. It is my job to not take it personally, even if someone strikes at me I assume that the strike is from a place that wishes for peace, only it needs violence to get there. If I meet and greet the violence, I am relieved of my fear. And so, it is an opportunity for me to express another emotion and let my feelings bring us back from chaos to harmony. It is easy for me to ignite suspicions, curiosities, fears, resentments, anger, and even joy, laughter, and levity. It is difficult for me not to experience multiple emotions when I am with people. I often have blamed myself for wanting to hide and be alone. But I am now aware that I absorb many vibrations that I confuse with being "mine" or a fault in me.
I can write on this forever, but how will anyone ever read it? I am simply trying to communicate ideas as I see them. They cover so much ground in my mind it is like picking a sparrow out a flock and only focusing on that one sparrow even though the sky is so full of them, they seem to be a single pulsating mass in the sky. Did you get that picture in your mind? If so that proves i AM a proficient writer.
I need not seek originality for there are only original unique moments.
I know we are all one thing, but perceptually, do you perceive you to be the same as me? I hope not. I know that I as a being am one of, to my perception, infinite beings. That as a being, I am capable of myriads of vibrations, forms, thoughts, shapes, movements, actions,,, Yet, I chose to do what I do in the moment because, why? I hope that it is because of my nature in the Tao. :::As that means to me. Yet, I know that, and here is my big point, I AM UNIQUE BECAUSE ALL PARTICALS ARE INFINITE TO ME PERCEPTUALLY, ALL PARTICLES ARE CONSTANTLY MOVING, ALL SPACE IS INFINITE TO ME PERCEPTUALLY, ergo THERE ARE NEVER TWO MOMENTS, RELATIONS, OR MEETINGS OF TWO BEINGS THAT ARE 'THE SAME.' All moments are unique. All things are unique. According to how we perceive time and space, infinity is not actual infinity according to math. It is how far we can perceive, and that isn't really very far in the distances we know exist. So if there is a finite limitation to our universe, and a possible repetition of experience, thing, or action that equates the original, it is beyond us. So I plead with all humanity, can we please stop saying, "Nothing is truly unique," for in truth, All things are ONLY unique... as far as we experience them. And that is far enough to see the beauty in ever rain drop, every petal, every partical, every person, every action, every moment. Each shall not be repeated, it is gone for ever and constantly arriving a new. Change is the only constant. Be unique. Stop clinging to the "Way we think it needs to be." Let go of your conscious self, and act on instinct. Only then will you know who you truly are.
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